My group of friends consist of school friends from class 2nd onwards. The group mainly consists of guys who despite what everyone says are the most adorable friends in the world. Some could call our circle of friends dysfunctional set of morons, but only because they are not a part of it. We have shared the most wonderful times of our lives together and have shred tears of break-up with Old Monk. Like any guy of this age, they are commitment phobic and can take the concept of love to a new level with their innovative techniques of evading engagement. Clearly they are not perfect and have issues they have been trying to work on.
But having them as my friends, I have always depended on them when in crisis. But what bonds our relationship? Is love for a friend different from a love for a boyfriend. If so, then which one to choose? Can they co-exist in harmony balancing both relationships? Or can one person hold the key to both these forms of love? How does one decide- Friend or Boyfriend?
At what point does friendship give way to 'more' than just friends? Recently, I came across a very revolutionary and disturbing term called 'friends with benefits', not so politely referred to as 'fuck-buddies'. It is an urban dictionary term that can be defined as they are 'friends' (but) who have sex. Sexual benefits comes without responsibilities under this tag. No commitment, no questions, only gratification at its best. This works best in situations where one cannot afford to have a 'serious' relationship. The reason for which could be varied, one just had a bad break-up, his/her career does not allow time and space for such a responsibility or just for fun. The rules for such a relationship is that it has no rules. One can have a 'fuck-buddy', yet date another person of the opposite sex. One can hang-out as buddies, talk, share jokes, travel, eat, drink and added to that sleep with each other. Without any commitments, expectations or future plans.It is a term used for sexual partners who regularly engage in sexual activites with each other, but do not share the usual emotional attachment of a standard boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (or boyfriend/boyfriend, or girlfriend/girlfriend, etc. etc.). Often used to describe two people who use each other solely for sexual gratification and nothing else. Usually this is a sexual relationship that still allows for each partner to seek sexual and emotional relationships with other people (hence, no attachments) but can rely on each other for a quickie or booty call. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuck%20buddies)
Apparently according to this website there are 'buy fuck buddy magnets, t-shirts and mugs', which are a popular option for many such people. There is also a site that 'advices' how to be 'fuck buddies without complications'. The advantages listed for such a relationship, if at all it can be termed as one, is that it avoids the formalities like buying gifts on Valentine's Day, wishing on birthdays or going on formal dates or the pressure of meeting parents or formalizing into, god forbid..... marriage!!
In such a tumultuous scenario, how does one define a relationship. The need to define a relationship is necessary because as human beings we have the freedom of choice. We cannot choose our family, but we can choose our acquaintances and paramours. Every choice comes with a responsibility, trust comes with faith that one friend will not tell his/her secrets to other. It is ones responsibility to maintain that trust. Every definition has a set of expectations, if someone is my friend, I shall not break his trust, if he is in trouble I will help him, if he is calling up at wee hours, I will be there for him, in return I will expect the same amount of reliability on him as my friend. Hence it becomes imperative to set boundaries for a relationship for it to exist and sustain.
Sexual relations with a mate/partner/companion is an acceptable norm for evolution. The traditional assumption of sex is to continue a lineage long after we are gone. It is mankind's attempt to challenge death through procreation. As humans we can have sex just for pleasure. To what extent do we use or misuse this right is upon us. Using a relation like friendship for sexual benefits is defiling it and making it a commodity for selfish recreation. It is like using a tissue paper, you keep it in your hand till you need it, then wipe it, crumple it and discard it. As long as they have a purpose to fulfill they are friends, but after a certain period of time one meets someone new or simply decides to move on, he/she is abandoned, without any rights, without shouldering the responsibility of his/her hurt caused by ones own selfishness.
For me my friends, irrespective of their gender, IQ, colour, sexual orientation and other factors are more than tissue papers. They are my balance sheets. They keep a track of my life with my ups and downs and make my troubles their own. They support me, love me and need be, fight for me. They are the pillars on which we can depend for life. For me, personally, if ever I have sex with a friend, it will be for reasons other than selfish carnal needs. Sex takes a relationship to a new and different level. Sharing secrets make friends come closer, when in primary school the person who knows your deepest secrets become your best friends, that same thought works here, the friend who shares your deepest desires becomes more special. He is to be cherished loved and to be given a dignified place in life. Friends are not for use, buddies are special, they are for life, if you know how to keep them.
1 comment:
Amzing Enteries....
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